I often work with clients to embody their inner parts and allow them to express. This is instrumental to the healing process. When we allow those parts to express, we allow those past emotions to release. It may feel backwards or illogical, but that is how it works.
In my own recovery journey, I do this many times per week. But something occurred to me recently. I have never shared my written inner conversations with you, so this week I will.
To set up this scenario, we are currently in the middle of a snow storm. I am feeling some anxiety about it, so I decided to write a conversation with my fearful inner child. I hope this helps you to understand how this process works.
Please understand this conversation comes after years of practice at inner part embodiment. When you get started, it may be difficult to switch back and forth quickly. That is okay. Just embody one part and write from them for a while. It will be immensely healing.
A Conversation Between Me and My Inner Child (8 to 10 years old):
We are doomed. There is no way to escape. We can’t get out. This is just like before. We are completely stuck in this house, in this neighborhood, in this city. My plans can’t work like this. There must always be an escape route. Don’t you understand that.
I hear you. I understand your need for a viable escape route at all times. But we are fine. We have power. We have warmth. We have food. We are safe in this home. The kids are safe. And if something bad happened, we have a car we can dig out. I know blizzards are scary for you. I know you have had bad experiences being locked in with your family as a child, but this is different. We are safe.
How do you know? What if they are out there? What if they are waiting for this opportunity? What if they choose a time like this to attack? What if we can’t escape?
You and I both know the people who abused us are wimps. They aren’t secret agents with special skills. They are stuck in the same blizzard. They are panicking too. They were the ones who taught us to panic when the weather turns bad. They are inundated with their own trauma right now. They would not have the capacity to plan an offensive. They just don’t work like that.
But what if we run out of food? What if the power turns off? What if the heat goes out and we freeze? What if someone gets hurt and we can’t get to a hospital? What if the dog gets sick? He’s getting old. So many bad things can happen.
My dear child, please do your best to let me be in charge right now. I know your parents didn’t know how to be adults, but I am doing a pretty good job of it these days. I have wood for the fire if the power goes out. And I can make a fire. Our refrigerated food will be fine in the snow if we lose power. We have enough food for three weeks. Even if we run out of fresh food, the pantry is stocked. If someone gets hurt, we are a mile from a hospital (which is why we won’t lose power for long). We will be okay here. I got this. Let me get this.
Sometimes you make mistakes.
Yes. Everyone makes mistakes. But please give me the benefit of the doubt. I am doing a good job considering the traumatic childhood I came from.
What if you make a mistake?
I will find another way. And say I am sorry.
What if we die?
Death is always a possibility, with or without a snow storm. But we can’t live life with the fear of death running everything we do. We need to live life while we are still here.
I am scared.
I know you are. I am here to protect you as best I can. I love you. And I want to help you feel safe and less scared. I will never knowingly put you in harm’s way. Please try to trust that I would not do that.
I am trying.
I know you are. I love you … no matter what.
If you are looking to converse with your inner parts or alters, I offer one-on-one survivor guidance sessions to help you build awareness in your life.
I love this video as it helps my parenting self stand strong. Anytime I feel anxious, I’ve been playing this video. #nottoday
They turned it into a rap song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpSOWfFtKJE
🙂
“I am trying.
I know you are. I love you … no matter what.”
Such simple but powerful words for a frightened 9 year old. They brought a tear to my eye. I agree. I taught myself how to work with inner parts and it is a very useful skill for self healing childhood trauma.
Thank you. I want to make sure people know how important this work is.
Elisabeth, that was beautiful!!!!!!!!
I will have to read this a few times to get the hang of how to have a dialogue with my inner parts but what I immediatly picked up was your kindness , compassion and total willingless to understand her.
That was truely beautiful, thankyou for sharing.
Its also showing me how to do it & has given me hope for my “little ones” to come out of hiding. yvette x
Thank you Yvette! I am so glad this has helped and given hope to your little ones. I am also glad it occurred to me to post one of my conversations. Sometimes the obvious escapes us. 🙂
I have done some inner child work usually when I’ve experienced a bad trigger and it’s worked really well. You mention that this is something yoy do many times a week. Also you mention working to embody inner parts and allow them to express. And interested to know more … am new to your site Cheers Rhonda
Hi Rhonda, I work with clients on this often. Send me an email anytime at beatingtrauma@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
This post was perfect. A recent snowfall had me pacing inside my apartment checking the accumulation in my driveway. I was completely convinced I would be trapped.
The anxiety was overwhelming.
Yes! We are always planning escape routes, aren’t we? When we recognize that, it can be so helpful.
Makes me cry. I totally get this! It’s really sweet you wrote it out. I want to love my little too. You inspire me. Thank you for sharing, Elizabeth. ❤️
Thank you Paula! Love that little!
Thank you Elisabeth! Beautiful demonstration of lovingly parenting your younger self with acceptance & strength. Your post helps normalize the many communications I’ve had with my younger parts. I wondered if others did that too & you answered my question.
Bless You & Young Elisabeth
Thank you Donna. The more people who do this, the better the world. 🙂
How have you learned the adult part of that? I’m 47 and not taking care of myself and I don’t know how to because nobody ever taught me how to. They just told me to get out of their way, out of the house, etc. When I was in my 20’s, I had a boyfriend that told me I had no survivor skills. That hit me hard and I’ve never forgotten it because it is true. At the time, we were having a blizzard and my apartment was really cold and he couldn’t believe I hadn’t put plastic over the windows. I didn’t even know that was something that people did. I’ve lived in my house now for 18 years and numerous things are wrong with it because I don’t know how to fix them and have never been able to afford to hire someone to do it. My parents have threatened me that if anyone comes into this house they are going to take it away from me because it is so bad. I just don’t understand how you learn survivor skills if you’ve been neglected your whole life. I’m new here and will have to post my story in the introduction page one of these days.
Hi there, I am so glad you are here. Honestly, it has been a long journey to figure out all the things about being an adult that I never learned from my parents. For years, I was convinced I could not learn these things, so that definitely stopped me. Like you, I had been told I would never be a capable adult and had no skills to be one. But now I have realized that “if others can do it, so can I”. It is that mantra that keeps me pushing forward with new skills. My biggest area of dysfunction is in the kitchen. It has taken me a long time to learn to cook well and having children has really pushed me on that. And in reality, I don’t know what I would do without Youtube and Google. I learn so much there. They have a video for everything.
Hi Elisabeth, I just had to share this with you; last night I had a dream in which you gave me a pink satin and lace baby blanket and one baby pink satin boxing glove!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it as since ive been reading the above I think I am begining to have an inner conversation with my little ones. Thank you yvette x
I love it!
Elisabeth I’m SO glad you posted your conversation with your parts.
I’ve wondered how you do certain things but I’ve not wanted to rock the boat, definitely worthy a writing as parts of me feel as though they may make you mad and punish me. Giving voice to a long ago voice! I think I’m telling you that both to get it off my chest and see your response.
I definitely have layers of checking folks out for safety, well they passed that and that…. or it could be: hmmm they didn’t check out that time! Then lately I usually pull back and think over how I feel about that, now how much do I trust sharing certain things with them? I’m finding it compellingly necessary to share that complex trauma is a part of me with anyone I want to spend friendship time with as I live and breathe it by the moment, it is me right now, As in no more hiding to spend time with a friend. Before recovery journey and well into it I’ve hidden myself from people because that’s what we do, HIde, I don’t want to hide with good friends anymore, this is all part of me feeling shame of feeling different then others! I think I’ve enough Acceptance of Self to not hide Self anymore, well I’m working towards it… ❤️
And yes to overlooking the obvious, me to, maybe it’s a Part now Defender that was sworn to never have its own idea, I know that sounds weird cause we all have great thoughts, maybe something there, maybe not. I do find it all the time where an aspect of recovery is so simple and obvious, when I finally get it, it’s like Wow!! Learning to not beat self up that I didn’t get it before now, we are ever changing.
I’ve rambled here, I just find it so fun to share stuff cause none of it could be shared like this before in complete safety, keeping in mind we all make mistakes but they to can be opportunities for growth.
Goodness I’d best stop but Thank You Thank You for sharing your inner conversation. ❤️
Oh I intrinsically have my Safety on alert, are you suggesting consciously soothing or talking to our parts about a safety plan at the time, when they speak up of course, I usually soothe that their safe and let it be.
Also hearing you say EMBODY our Part… honestly never pictured it like that, embodying! It’s new-ish to speak From the part versus For the part, whole different animal!
Amazing to learn in layers like a mountain made of rock, and their not even consecutive!
Thank you
Hi Mary, Your feelings are completely normal. Many survivors don’t want to bother people for risk of making them mad. That is absolutely a pattern from childhood. And the more affirmative and validating responses we get in adulthood, the more we can shift that belief. This process doesn’t always make sense. We can miss a key point for years and then suddenly, we are ready to take it in on a deeper level. That is why I repeat myself often. Each day, we are ready to hear something we could not hear the day before. I do think safety plans can help our parts in certain situations. Sometimes there isn’t a way to make things safer and you can just tell your parts that your grounded adult self will handle things. I like to make a motion with my hand like I am scooting a small child behind me right before I present in front of others or do something difficult. We can’t always make them feel safe, but we can let them know there is an adult here to help.