With this global crisis of epic proportions, it is not surprising how much my freedom fighters are triggered right now. My controller keeps trying to take over and spin my mind on every possible problem that could come from this crisis. Not helpful. They are keeping me from my memories at a time when I most need to connect with myself. And the massive display of controller and karma kid behaviors on a societal level is adding to my inner war in what seems to be leading to a perfect storm. So today, I am writing about how I am done. I am done with so many things. And I am hoping this crisis can serve as a wake-up call for how our world lives in a “safety-first” mindset. But we have to see it first.
I am done with panic ruling the world around us. I understand this virus is a threat to survival. But we are not going to survive by focusing on our sole survival as one human being among millions. That isn’t how it’s going to work. If we don’t calm down and stop raiding the toilet paper, we are going to put more people in harm’s way. Panic buying and hoarding is coming from a place of scarcity. There is no faith in this approach to life. And while I know we learned this from very real abuse as children, this approach does not serve us in situations like this. We have to help each other. Our fear is real. But these responses to fear are damaging. And I’m done with this.
I am done with denial. Denial about this crisis is NOT an enlightened view of the situation. It is simply the flip side of the same coin. It is still a safety response learned in childhood. Denying there is a problem is meant to deny the pain inside about the problem. Denying reality is often used against children in an abusive household, but it doesn’t change reality. And talking down to people who are expressing real fear just makes you a part of the problem. It is invalidating and abusive. And I’m done with this.
I am done with hierarchies. I am sick and tired of the hierarchies. Why does an excessive amount of money make someone’s life more valuable? Honestly, it just makes them a hoarder, a hoarder of money. That comes from trauma. They are in survival mode and they hoard money to cover their tremendous fear. Why are they more important? Why are they more deserving of testing? Why are they more deserving of sick leave? They’re not. They never have been. And I’m done with this.
I am done with lies. Everyone is invested in their story. I get it. If they can get everyone to agree with their version of the story, it makes their story right. Or so they think. That’s actually not the case. But everyone wants to try it anyway. The lies aren’t helping anyone. My social media feed is inundated with misinformation and far too much of it is purposefully misleading. Stop it! We must stop sharing this crap! There is no benefit to a bunch of people agreeing with you about something that is wrong. It could even kill people. I am so done with this.
I am not trying to suggest there aren’t amazingly helpful people out there right now. I am not missing the beauty of people doing things for others. People are stepping up in powerful ways. My perspective might be a bit skewed today, but I can see it. It is there. Mr. Rogers said to look for it and we need to look for it. But we also have to get real about fear responses. This crisis is telling us humanity must shift. People need to look at the world through some new lenses. This requires us to look deep inside and see where our behaviors start. What do those fears have to say? Listen to them and make a grounded decision about how to move forward. This is an opportunity to heal on a massive scale. And healing often comes from painful experiences. This is one of those moments. Use it to the fullest. Tell your inner defenders to take a break from their fear frenzy and sit with self in a new way. This is when we learn folks. This is our moment to transform.
I’m so glad you’re writing about this! These are some tough times.
I just wish I was “done”. (I’m stuck in the middle of a super-triggering situation and the pandemic is adding to the mess. It may even play a part in complicating the situation) But, thankfully, you have taught me how to listen and observe. I am trying to remember that serious healing will come if we’re willing to work through the hard stuff.
Thank you! <3
Yes. Keep listening right now. It is the best thing you can do.
I’m trying not to panic and I’m following the guidelines of staying in to try to slow this thing down. I’ve had a terrible winter of colds and stomach bug issues and I’m 70 now so I’m in the group that could panic. It’s supposed to hit seniors harder than young people. I think I’m staying calm, but I have a cousin who is basically denying the whole thing. Her boys are out of school – school having closed for 2 weeks – and she and them are driving hundreds of miles to visit her daughter. She doesn’t want to stay in and doesn’t want them staying in these 2 weeks. I’m praying that she will be fine. At least she will probably find the roads clearer than they usually are – so that is the only positive I see. I think we do need to follow the guidelines that are set into place but not panic. We need to be realistic and realise that things that happened in other parts of the world could happen here. Maybe it won’t be as bad as some of the experts think, I hope not, but everyone needs to realise that it is an unknown so taking precautions is a good thing. At first I didn’t pay a lot of attention because I thought about all of the news reports in recent years of illnesses coming from China (why always China – I don’t know), but we need to recognise that this is something we need to protect ourselves from (guidelines about handwashing ,etc) and try to raise our immunity with vitamin C and other things. Denying it and on the other hand panic buying really isn’t helping.
Exactly Diane. Staying at one of the extremes won’t help us stay safe. I wish you health as you navigate this.
Thank you. This is very useful.
Hi Elizabeth,
I’m feeling anxious. I didn’t get much sleep and I know that is playing a huge part. I find relief in tears. It feels good to cry for me. It’s relieving. Facing fears is scary but necessary to heal. I want a safe place. I want to sit on a rocking chair on a country home porch and hear the birds sing in the trees. I want my confidence to trust in God without avoiding the reality of this pandemic. The sun just broke through the clouds as I’m writing this. I’ve been spreading your name to family because they have anxieties as well. You’re very helpful. I wiggle my toes, I breathe, I smile and I’m writing now. I get news updates. I’ve decided to just listen to updates and facts. No news hoarding anymore. I long for a peaceful world. I long for joy. My narcissistic mom called me last night. I made the mistake of answering. Her voice resonated with the childhood memory of doom in her voice. A family fight, the terror, I began to get the shakes as she continued with her catastrophic thinking. Her worried voice took me back to that hiding in the closet spooky feeling whenever there was a family fight. When I confronted her about her worry mentality and how we were raised in that mindset, she began to list her victim list to me, typical narcissistic move. She mentioned that she didn’t have a choice on her life. I realize that but now we all share that type of fear and mentality. I was looking at my Kitty this morning. I’m blow drying my hair and most cats would run if the blow dryer comes on because of the noise… but not her, Kitty lays there under the covers relaxed and not afraid, waiting for the next petting peacefully. I think it’s because I vowed to myself as her parent to love her unconditionally without yelling or startling her when she jumps in the kitchen counter. Instead, I carry her gently and caress her and hold her. She was rescued with complete love and acceptance for who she is, her character was embraced. And now that she is a young adult she is at peace and is confident and fearless. I see her and that’s what I want to be. I didn’t have that loving, accept me for who I am support from parents. It was conditioned, stained with shame and blame and guilt ridden expectations. I’m 52 and I began to discover me at 40. Still a work in progress but slowly im learning that I’m ok, like my Kitty… it’s ok for me to stretch out and wait for the next caressing, the next peaceful smile, the next kind word. It’s ok to embrace myself, my karma kid, controller. Discovering them helps me recognize where I got stuck. Kitty doesn’t have to worry about that. My mom is 82 and she lives with me. She is still independent, Thank God. But this is my reality isolated with my narcissistic mom.
Your a beacon, through the grace of God, through all of this Thank you Elizabeth. Prayers for you send your family.
Thank you for this beautiful writing! I love your awareness and how you are taking care of yourself and noticing what matters.
I hear you sister!!! LOL! Thank you for bringing some perspective to the situation and speaking from truth rather than fear.
Yes, we take precautions to protect ourselves and everyone else around us. It is not just about us as individuals nor just our families.
This situation just shows HOW CONNECTED we really are! There is no getting away from it. So let’s treat others as we would wish to have ourselves treated. Then we will shift.
When we ‘hoard’ products and come from a place of scarcity, we are actually creating scarcity! Don’t take my word for it – go to the grocery store and look at the shelves (WE CREATED THIS). It is not from lack of product!
I hope that gives some perspective because COVID-19 is mirroring all that needs to shift in our world.
Blessings to all of you and good health.
This is brilliant Elisabeth, I agree with everything you’ve written here. I’m done with all those things too. Living with so much uncertainty- while doing the things that are in our control- its really hard. The fear is going to cycle around & around & it does have things to say. Like ‘your life was always tenuous & temporary & that’s ok its human life’ and ‘your life was threatened as a child when you should have been safe & it’s more than ok to cry about that.’ There’s a lot of complicated, almost contradictory stuff going on with living in this pandemic.
Thank you Nell! You are so right. It is complex and contradictory. I think it will show us a lot if we listen. And it is absolutely okay to cry about it.
That is such an excellent point about COVID mirroring all that needs to shift. Thank you!
I just wonder when will the USA implement the reforms that it used to have after the Great Depression of 1929 plus investing in its population at the educational level, the workforce level, etc., instead of letting wealthy people and business leaders running the show for the last 40 years and they have not made our lives and the rest of the world any safer?
It’s a good question Gunther.