We live in an anger-hating world. This is not surprising. Anger has been labeled as dangerous. It has been labeled as dangerous by angry people. They know deep down inside that their anger drives them to do bad things, to treat people in bad ways. They know they need to block anger so others can’t retaliate. They know their power requires others to stay in fear and suppress their anger. So they label anger as dangerous. And they call other people angry in condescending ways. Instilling the fear of anger in others becomes a stealth act of oppression.
It is hard to argue with these labels. We can see the damage from anger. We can see the abuses. We can see the violence. We can see the war. It is easy to fall for the rhetoric and shame ourselves for the anger we know lives deep within us. But we are missing an important and fundamental truth. There are two types of anger. There is grounded and ungrounded anger. And the anger we have within us can express in either way. There is not an external reason that makes it grounded or ungrounded. The difference is in our acceptance of it.
Yes. I said it. Our anger will be ungrounded as long as we don’t accept it. Why? We will continually shove it down below the surface and ignore it. And as we do this, we will keep it in our unconscious where it will have power over our lives. We will attract angry people and anger-fueled situations which recreate what we have not healed. We will try to shove it under the surface which is akin to simultaneously pushing 100 tennis balls down below the water. It doesn’t work. When the balls get loose, they come up with a vengeance. When this is anger, it is ungrounded and it can definitely be dangerous.
There aren’t very many people accepting their anger in the world. Unfortunately, that means we rarely meet grounded anger in our lives. When we do, we might not recognize it as anger at all. It looks quite different. But if we can allow a channel of expression for our anger, we can ground it over time. And when we do, we can reap the many rewards of having access to our anger in a grounded way. What are those rewards? Here are some beautiful things our grounded anger can bring us.
Anger brings truth. Our anger is hiding behind the stories we told ourselves to get through our trauma. Those stories tell us that it was our fault and we can’t blame anyone else. They tell us we are sensitive and overreacting. As we allow our anger forward, we can embrace the truth about how we were mistreated. We can put the blame where it belongs.
Anger brings self-trust. When we are angry at the right people, we can stop being angry at self. And when we stop being angry at self, we can trust ourselves more and more. Eventually, we can trust ourselves more than the others who have been controlling and lying. This allows our intuition to step forward and from this place, we can live our best lives.
Anger brings boundaries. When we trust ourselves, we can set boundaries with others. We become less concerned with how we are viewed by others and we respect ourselves more. We stop making our decisions based on how others feel and put ourselves back in the driver’s seat of our own lives. This empowers us to live our purpose and help others in more effective ways.
Anger brings relief. When we stop walking the line between the requirements of others, we can finally breathe a sigh of relief. If we aren’t answering to everyone around us, life gets simpler and less overwhelming. It gives us more room to consider what we want because we are not constantly spinning about what everyone else thinks.
Anger brings safety. When we allow anger, we set boundaries with the people who need them. We also put up walls when they are necessary. We stop bringing the ungrounded anger into our space too. And our truth helps us connect with our intuition about dangerous situations and people. We are much more likely to find safety by accepting our anger instead of suppressing it.
Anger brings change. From a place of acceptance and safety comes change. We get to say, “Enough is enough.” We become firm in our resolution that we aren’t going to keep living under the thumb of others and we fight for what is right. This is scary change to the oppressors, but it is the change we are here to create.
When we allow and accept our anger, we can process the past new ways. We can trust ourselves on a deep level and come to understand our truth. We can find our boundaries and stop living for the oppressive people who were running our lives before. When we do this, we can make decisions that keep us safer. When we are safe, we can make changes to our lives and the world. This is what the oppressors don’t want. They don’t want change because they are in charge. And they don’t want us to reveal their secrets. So we must embrace and ground our anger. As we do, we will find a new way of living. Our anger will bring us to freedom.