I have been working through some huge resistance from my karma kid this week. They are feeling anxious about the direction I am heading in this life. They are convinced I will be punished for my newfound boldness as I explore what life really has to offer me. Believe me, I never really thought life had much to offer until the past couple of years. But that’s changing and I am happy with that. Well, most of me is happy with that. My karma kid is terrified. They believe I will take it too far and be dropkicked by the universe in the process. I get it. It was what they were taught. Since I returned from my trip to London and Paris, I have contemplated some bold ideas for next steps in life and business. And my karma kid has inundated me with resistance.
First, they have made me sick. It hasn’t been debilitating. I am still functioning. But it has definitely impacted my overall productivity. And that infuriates my controller. Next, they have brought in futility. They have tried to convince me that life will never be what I want it to be. They have tried to tell me I will never escape my role in my family. But it is getting harder and harder for them to convince me of that. I have seen too many changes. And then, the pièce de résistance came two days ago when they decided the fire at the Notre Dame Cathedral was my fault. If I had not shown up in Paris after being told never to go back, this would not have happened. My karma kid believes that death and destruction follow me wherever I go. And honestly, I feel bad for this part. The life of an unhealed karma kid is torture. They live in a constant hell of fear and futility and shame. And when we are enmeshed with a karma kid, we are in that same place.
But I have been on this road for a while now. And I see how this karma kid can make things look different than they really are. I am pushing past these things with a focus on all that is right in my current life and potentially in my future. I am excited about all my crazy ideas even if I can hear my karma kid’s fears about them. I can see my karma kid starting to shift. I can see a very muted optimism about the potential end to their jail sentence. I can tell that deep down inside, they want to believe. But moving past a karma kid has taken a ton of effort and learning. They are the stealthiest inner part. It has taken an awareness of my unconscious on levels to which most humans don’t care to venture. It is hard work and frankly, it takes guts. But that’s why you are here, isn’t it? You have the guts to do this work. So I wanted to share some of the most common beliefs I have uncovered from my own karma kid so that you can look for them too.
I don’t deserve that thing I want. This is one of the most common shame-based beliefs for a karma kid to hold. They believe this because of how many things they were blamed for in childhood. They are often blamed for their own abuse. But abusers don’t stop there. Karma kids take the blame for other actions and emotions coming from the abusers. Karma kids will be blamed for an abuser’s anger. They will be blamed for random occurrences (think Notre Dame fire). They will be blamed for mistakes by others. They will be blamed for bad luck. And they will take on all the shame associated with it.
I am going to be punished. Abusers made it clear to the karma kid that any steps outside of the expectations would be met with punishment. They taught the karma kid to see random events as punishment. Anything bad that happened was the karma kid’s fault. And if something bad happened to the abuser, it was because of their association with the karma kid. So the karma kid was trained to look for punishment from every person, animal, rock and the universe as a whole. And they live in fear because of it.
I can’t live the life I want. Karma kids sign contracts with abusers. Maybe they don’t literally sign something (maybe they do). But they come to understand their life as a contract. They have a certain role and they are not permitted to consider life outside of it. If they do, they will be punished. If they do, they will fail because they are not worthy of it. So there is no point in trying. There is no point in reaching for the stars when they are mired in the quicksand. They are not meant for anything more than what their abusers assigned them. And they are inundated with futility because of it.
But our karma kids are not correct in their understanding of life. They have been brainwashed by people who are abusive and jealous and nasty. The source of their information is not credible. We can teach our karma kids to trust a new source and that is us. The grounded adult self knows the way forward to our best life. It can be more than our minds can fathom. But first, we have to help the karma kid find their way out of the muck. We need to free them from their jail cell. We need to help them see there is a new team to join. We need them on “team self”. That team is going places. And those places are amazing.
Wow did I need to read this exactly today! I am making professional changes that are causing money anxiety, and boy am I suddenly freaking out over it, even though a few days ago I was fine with the risk. Thanks for explaining to me where the freak out is coming from!
That freak out with risk always comes with a delay it seems. The karma kid and the controller will be the two biggest parts to be resistant to financial risk.
I feel like we are on the same wavelength on a regular basis, because your articles are always so relevant to whatever I am going through. Thank you for being brave and sharing.
I do see themes in my work with other clients and what people are talking about on the public page. I think we are tapped in to something more global when processing our inner work. Love to you.
I know I often feel I have no right to exist. Everyone else does. Everyone else can be a flawed human being, but it’s good and necessary for them to have their place in the web of life. Others can make mistakes, of course they will, they are human. Others can do bad things, but they just didn’t understand what they were doing. I can’t. I shouldn’t be here. I should never have been born. I was bad before birth. Thank for you saying this is a brainwashed part, and I don’t yet know the why. It is so strong, but I can at least just hold that part and say, yes, I see you feel that way. And we are here, together. Is there a way to get a part of open up when they feel they shouldn’t even be here? Wanting to be alive, even, seems taboo. Like, it’s not hers to want.
That’s such an insightful question Wendy! I do find that they will talk even if it is just to tell us they are not allowed. While on the surface, they do believe what was told to them, underneath they are still desperate to be heard. So let them talk about how they (you) are not worthy of being heard or being here at all. It isn’t easy to hear, but it will help them so much.