We are born free. We are born to bring our amazing strengths to this planet. We are meant to meet a purpose which was designed specifically for us. We are here for great things.
But when we were born, the world was waiting for us. The world was waiting with all the rules about how we would live our lives. They abused and neglected us which made us shut down our hearts and refuse to trust. They said life was hard so it was best to aim low and not take too many chances. They said we wouldn’t be able to accomplish much because our external and internal traits were lacking in some way. They let us know we had to play by the established rules. They told us we would fail if we didn’t. They made it clear that their approval was the most important thing. We learned it was more important to get their approval than to be ourselves. It was so important, it was life or death. After all this, we did not feel free.
Most of us made it to adulthood with very little of our true selves still intact. As a matter of a fact, we were lost. The world wanted us to fit in with the rest of the zombies. They didn’t want us to love ourselves. They didn’t want us to be proud of who we are. They didn’t want us to ask questions about the rules. They didn’t want us to search deep inside for that original purpose. They most certainly didn’t want us to stir things up or cause any problems whatsoever. So we joined the Borg. And everyone was happy. Except nobody’s not happy. And we weren’t happy. We were an empty shell of who we were meant to be. But we were so lost, we could not find our way back. The breadcrumbs were gone. And now, it shows up in our lives every day. How?
We are paralyzed by perfectionism. With these messages coming at us from every direction, we learned that nothing we did was good enough. We also learned that it had to be good enough because approval was critical to our survival. From the beginning, we were fighting a losing battle. We didn’t know all the rules because they were constantly changing, but we knew we must follow them. That led to perfectionism. And perfectionism is paralyzing. In our adult life, it makes us prioritize ourselves last. We will run ourselves into the ground trying to meet the standards of others, eventually draining us of all our energy and hope. We can also become so fixated on doing things right that we never complete anything at all. There is too much fear of rejection. So we wait.
We wait for someone to believe in what we have to offer. In childhood, we were taught that we didn’t have permission to do whatever we wanted. Sometimes this was a necessary message. But sometimes we were taught that our strengths were only good if others liked them. As a child, we often had to have adult support do make things happen. Without their support, we could not bring our talents to the world. And that message can hamper us in adulthood. We are still looking for permission. We are still looking for that person to tell us we have a good idea. We are looking for someone to tell the world we are awesome. We have learned we can’t do this ourselves. We have learned it is selfish to try. So we wait.
We expect to fail. We grew up in a world full of people who wanted us to fail. Why? They had given up. And they could not possibly deal with someone else succeeding. So we heard over and over again that we can’t, we won’t and we don’t have what it takes. But it’s all lies. And we don’t know that. So in adulthood, we become fixated on failure. We expect it around every corner even though we take desperate action to avoid it. And those expectations are so strong, they often manifest making them stronger. Eventually the futility and hopelessness stop us in our tracks. We believe we won’t succeed without a miracle. So we wait.
But we aren’t meant to be waiting for anyone or anything. It is time to get out there. Put your amazing talents and strengths into the world. Carve time into your day to do what you love. And then share the results even when they aren’t perfect. Will there be rejection and passive aggression and snide comments from others? Of course. There are too many people living in the zombie world. And let’s face it, they are jealous. But keep going. Work with your resistance from your inner parts. Express your fears and be honest with yourself about them. But keep going. Stop waiting. Start living. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be awesome. If you wait for it, you will wait forever.