Do you ever have one of those months
when you have to move houses as a single parent,
and it seems like it is too much to handle on your own,
and you are trying to start a new business,
and you have very little money,
and the kids are home from school for the summer and don’t have enough to do,
and the move leaves you dissociated and struggling with insomnia because everything is new,
and that makes it harder to focus when you do have time to work,
and the kids are constantly fighting because they are stressed too,
and your son has a freak bathroom door accident at the pool which leaves his toenail separated from his big toe,
and you have to wrap it every day,
and it is incredibly gross,
and then the dog starts throwing up incessantly,
and the vet says he has Gastroenteritis from eating sand in the new back yard (what?),
and he has to spend two days at the emergency vet,
and the kids complain because the whole day was “about the dog” (raising them right),
and they missed another damn swim practice,
and they are never going to be better swimmers this way,
and then you think, “There is no way God loves me”,
and you just know the universe is not supporting you,
and you know this whole freaking life has been some kind of sick joke,
and you were never meant to thrive,
and you forgot that so many friends offered to help you with the move,
and you forgot that your friends took care of your children on move day, the whole day,
and you forgot that one friend spent the entire move day loading and unloading your stuff,
and you forgot that you have amazing support with the new business from very knowledgeable people,
and you forgot your son’s toe nail will grow back (hopefully),
and you forgot that the dog recovered without surgery,
and you forgot that your children are not required to go to the Olympics in swimming anyway?
It is the trauma response,
because this is life,
this is what happens in life,
and it doesn’t mean you aren’t loved.
It just means you are still here,
and you haven’t given up yet.
So congratulations on not giving up,
and keep looking for that support,
because it is there whether you see it or not.
But it is probably just me.