As a trauma survivor, I have spent the majority of my life in my head. My body was not a safe place to reside. It held all the emotions and pain of my childhood. It held all the reminders of my past trauma. So I dissociated and stayed in my head. It was safe in my head. I could make up whatever I wanted in my head.
Honestly, it is the way many people live their lives. We live in a reality we have created in our heads because it is a safer reality. But the body is always reminding us of the truth we are ignoring. We can’t ignore the body. While we can dissociate, we can’t stop the damage to the body. The pain and illness will be there until we make the journey to the truth.
It helps to know this as I interact with survivors all over the world. Some don’t like what I have to say. Some think I am too quick to embrace the anger, rage and grief from the past. Some think I encourage people to live in the past and to not “move on”, even to remain a victim. Some think it is possible to recover while staying in the head. But unfortunately, they are listening to their inner defenders. I have heard phrases like:
“I have decided to forgive my abusers, so I am done with my recovery.”
“I have decided to be happy, so I don’t feel sad anymore.”
“I have decided not to live in the past anymore, so I am starting over.”
Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with these decisions. But we must recognize something important. These decisions are something we make in our head. They are intentions. They are not an end point. They are the beginning. When we make a decision, we are saying we want to clear out all the opposition within us that holds us back. And I hate to tell you, we will have opposition within us. If we have been through significant trauma, we will have a ton of it.
I remember when I first started using intentions. Immediately following the intention setting, I would feel horrible. I learned my inner parts were letting me know they disagreed with me about my decision. In some cases, they considered my decision to be silly and naïve. To them, the intention was a joke. But they felt that way because I hadn’t developed a relationship with them yet. They felt that way because they had no idea what I was capable of accomplishing or how serious I was. Over time, they learned I was very serious.
As I began to work with my inner parts, I learned how they really felt. I explored all the experiences they had that were completely contradictory to my intentions and decisions I had made in my head. My inner parts were clear that things didn’t look good for my plans. I could tell I had a ton of work to do. But it all started with an intention, a decision I made in my head.
So the next time you make a decision, consider exploring how you feel about that decision. Step back from the logic and examine what the body has to say about it. The head is helpful, but what about letting the heart guide you? Try these steps to come back to your body and ground that decision.
- Start with a short meditation and set your intention.
- When you set your intention, focus on your body.
- Notice any body pain or tension that comes up.
- Breathe in to that body pain or tension.
- What emotions do you feel?
- Allow the emotions to express through words by writing from them.
- Ask who is talking. Which inner part is expressing?
- Repeat this process and continue to allow your inner parts to process the past.
The next time you make a decision in your head, take the time to consider what is happening in your body. What resistance are you feeling? What words are you hearing under all those thoughts in your head? Listen to your body and take your decisions to another level. Make them happen in reality. And not just in your head.
This is really good. I have a question though. What does “breathe into that body pain or tension” really mean?? In theory this makes sense but I don’t understand that statement so I get lost. Thanks, friend!
That’s a great question. I breathe while focusing on that part of my body. It can feel like breathing in to it. I probably needed to be more specific there. 🙂
That makes sense. Thanks! 🙂
As always, thanks for the timely share. I had a forgiveness epiphany this morning. On this path for so long, never really believing it would finally come. STILL much work to do. Thanks for telling me what I needed to hear Elisabeth. Warm Smiles.
Thank you Denise. This is a long road. I have found my process of forgiveness to be a slow letting go over time. No doubt.
Thanks Elisabeth. Another timely post which helped clarify for me why I was not achieving my intentions. I called this my broken fuel pump effect, like in a car. I’d get motivated, commence, then get demotivated & give up or go slow. I cycled through that constantly all my life. When I made an intention I would feel fear & anxiety and then another part would berate me for my thinking I could achieve anything. Since you made the link previously between emotions & inner children I finally had the “a ha” moment & realised it is the inner parts I have to do more work with. I am trained in Focusing so I can put that to good use now.
I am so glad this helped with that. I like your analogy of the broken fuel pump. That makes so much sense.
I like this suggestion. I know sometimes, when I’m angry, I may say something/make a decision that I no longer agree with (like not even a little bit) when I am calm. I am assuming that’s because, when I’m angry, it’s likely a defender making a decision and then when I calm/more likely to be listening to my higher self… would that make sense? Seems like I may currently be missing some of these steps.
That makes so much sense. Let that anger express in writing. That will help to keep it from popping up when you don’t want it to come out.
I would like to say I am surprised at your suggestion.. but I’m not haha!
Thank you again for your timely reminders. You have inspired me to take a writing class. At least, that is my intention. Lol
Joyful weekend wishes to all.
Wow another very powerful post. I’ve just spent a very short time and attempted an intention about forgiveness. What I got blasted with spiteful laughter, rage, swearing and in no uncertain terms what an idiot I was then for letting it happen and what an idiot I am now for trying to forgive someone who will not admit and does not care what they did was wrong. The body is certainly a scarey place. This is where the raw emotion hides. Not sure what to do with it.
Thank you for your honest comment Ali. I have had those same experiences. Try to write from all that raw emotion. It is very helpful in releasing it from your system.
Thank you, I will. I have joined a journalling website that you recommended , so I will include there. I never thought I was a angry person, and I actively avoid conflict if at all possible in my day to day life. This work is certainly shaking things up!