Dear Karma Kid,
I know you have heard it a hundred times, but your past doesn’t define you. And because you have heard it a hundred times, I am going to explain what I mean. You are not evil because you grew up amongst evil. You endured evil. You experienced evil. But none of those things make you innately evil. I know the statistics. Those who commit evil have been through their own trauma. That is true. How could they know it otherwise? But you are not what you experienced.
You don’t have to claim victim, survivor, or even overcomer as your primary identity. Sure, you have a story. And your story sucks. Your story sounds so horrible, a screenwriter couldn’t come up with that crap. But it isn’t all that you are. It isn’t even most of what you are. Don’t get me wrong, there would be no Beating Trauma without it. But it doesn’t define you. More importantly, it doesn’t limit you. There aren’t certain thresholds of life that become unavailable to you because of your story or any other reason.
More importantly, you aren’t destined to fail because of your past. You are worthy of the same beautiful life everyone can attain by gaining a deep self understanding and working hard. You are worthy of great things even though the first part of your life was far from great.
You don’t have to live with the label of evil because you were coerced to do evil as a child. This is a tough one for you. I get it. You were brainwashed. You were told you were evil and they tried to prove it by forcing you to do evil things. But when you do something awful under the threat of homelessness and financial destitution, or with a weapon aimed in your direction, you aren’t evil. You don’t become evil. You become victimized in a new way.
You don’t have a deal with these evil people. A deal requires you to have a choice about the deal. You were told to keep quiet so you could live. That’s not a deal. That’s a threat. And it doesn’t apply anymore. I am here to protect you from that nonsense now. They aren’t powerful or magical. They are actually quite the opposite. Those who prey on children are the least powerful people in the world. I am more powerful than they are because I didn’t use my trauma as an excuse to hurt others in adulthood. I am more powerful because I chose recovery. There is no deal. It is null and void.
And I can hear your response. You are saying, “That sounds good, but …”
“But the evil happened.”
“But the people still threatened me.”
“But bad things happen to me all the time.”
“But it seems like I am destined for failure.”
“But how do you explain all of that? It has to be karma.”
“But there has to be something wrong with me.”
But karma doesn’t work that way. Karma isn’t about punishment for having been abused or making deals with evil people to stay alive. Bad things happen because bad things happen in life. And I know it seems you have had a disproportionate amount of bad things. Maybe you have, but maybe you haven’t. Maybe you chose this life because you were strong enough to do some serious heavy lifting on planet Earth at this time. Maybe it was more random than that. But it has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
Karma is about what happens to people after they commit evil … not by some act of God or other evil people … but in their own psyche. There is a torture that comes with committing evil acts in adulthood. You must know it exists because you struggle so much with the childhood acts you were forced to commit. Imagine living in their heads. It would not be a good place to be. The shame would be overwhelming. The constant attempts to cover up the pain would be almost impossible to cope with. This is karma. And it isn’t yours to carry.
I know you think I should leave you behind. I know you think you are damaged goods and can never become more than that. I know you think you are holding me back. But that’s not true. You can heal too. And even if I could leave you behind, I wouldn’t.
So let’s work to let go of this tie to an evil that is not yours. Cut those ties. They are not your burdens to bear. You can let go of it and all the baggage that comes with it. Let the bad karma be with those who deserve it. You don’t. We are too busy building up the good karma, being a good parent, helping others recover, and having some fun finally.
I love you and I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. I am glad you found a way to cope with an evil you didn’t deserve or ask for. But now, I am asking you for your trust, which I know is a huge thing to ask for. But without it, we can’t be whole.
Love, Elisabeth
Such powerful, healing words for all of us to use as we talk to our “Karma Kid”. We have continued to hear the lies from others that “karma” is the reason for all of the evil happening to us. A lady told me just the other day…”You must have done something evil to have all of these things happen to you or you just signed up for it”. She looked at me with such sad, frightened eyes. I knew in my heart it wasn’t true….but it still hurt. Thank you for these words to help me heal my triggered inner child. Love you, Elisabeth.
It is difficult for me not to want to strangle that person. That is such a trigger for me. She is projecting her own fear of victimization on to you and that is such a shame. Sending my love to you.
Exactly. Believe me, it took everything in me to hold back from telling her how I REALLY felt. I did stand my ground with her by saying I disagreed….but she felt the same. She looked afraid of me! LOL! She might catch my ‘disease’! Obviously, fear of her own victimization!
Cheryl,
Thank you for your vulnerability.
My grandmother actually told me all she saw in me was black??? So like what you said the lady said to you about having done something evil. Shame and / or bad karma is not something we are born with. Although I do believe in generational bondages, abuse and trauma being a choice to pass on or not as you and Elisabeth have both pointed out.
Blessings,
Paul
Paul,
Sorry to hear that you suffered those types of comments as well. I do feel we agreed to go through certain traumas in this life, but people also have free will. My healing journey focuses on what I can control now as well as helping & connecting with others. I pray you have found peace with the past, stay true to you, and now shine your light for others.
Excellent Elisabeth!
Thank you!
Tears. I’m really on a roll today. Thank you, Elisabeth <3
Sending my love my friend!
That is so powerful. Thank you. There is a part of me that feels so wrong and what I feel inside is an atmosphere of wrongness. This touched that part of me and your words really resonated. I am starting to believe that there isn’t anything wrong with me. A really big step forward. Thanks again.
Yes! I am so glad you are beginning to feel that way. There definitely isn’t anything wrong with you!
Elisabeth,
Thank you for these words of strength. Too bad so many do not realize as you clearly stated that we have a choice. Like you stated too many that were traumatized, go on to do evil to others. Your words are experience, truth and encouragement.
Anger, fear and shame are weapons that were used against us. Self awareness is hard work. All too many either repeat generational traumas, deny them or project them onto others…
Forgiveness and letting go of the abusers is what frees us not them of guilt, shame and punishment.
This opens us up to real love and trust that is earned as we give of our time to those in recovery more deserving of it.
Thank you Paul. These are beautiful words.
Thanks for the reminder Elisabeth. Smiles.
Elisabeth, thank you for all your hard work and encouraging words. I’m in tears right now I really appreciate you for helping me become more aware ?
Thank you Katrina!
hi Elisabeth,
wow!
I’ve always had this deeply entrenched belief that somehow I am wrong or bad. It has become part of who I am and has led to a lot of sadness. Articles like this help reinforce the truth; that I’m not nor neither was, I was an innocent child. Thanks Elisabeth for your gift of articulating truth.
Go GIrl xxxxx
Thank you Yvette! I understand that sadness.
Wonderful post. Very helpful.
Thank you!
Thank you for this, Elisabeth. I’ve read a lot about Karma the past few years and understand it to mean that your actions create your future. I’ve wished Karma to visit my former husband in a major way. Even though I’ve been able to move away from a mindset that thinks he still owes me so much (that he took away or that he set down and walked away from), I will harbor thoughts of wanting to know he is suffering. What you’ve said about Karma being what happens in the psyche is truly comforting. It’s very difficult for me to grasp the whole ‘just live a good, peaceful, lovely life and know that is the best thing to do’ concept. Yet that is truthfully what has to be done. Karma will visit evil doers in the form of a sad, negative, and unhealthy life. That has to be enough for me to let my wish of ill fall to the wayside. Yet I still struggle with the fact that many abusers won’t accept they ever did anything wrong, or are in denial, or don’t even know Karma is visiting them.
It is so true. Most abusers have no idea that they are experiencing karma. It is happening on an unconscious level mostly. But it is there nonetheless. It has taken me a long time to accept that as well. And there days when I still wish a piano would drop on their heads.
I know you wrote this a while ago but I am just now reading it since it was linked in your last post. This is so moving and definitely touched something deep inside me that I have struggled with forever. That feeling of being evil because of the evil that was done to me and because I came from evil which led to beliefs that I can’t have or don’t deserve what other people have because I am so damaged by evil and carry around all of the memories and images and flashbacks of that evil. And feelings that I have to protect people and the world from contamination by my true self.
My experience in the church magnified this by 1000 and ultimately, once people knew some of my story, exploited it for their own reasons and left me feeling as though my only worth was my “powerful” story of being “saved” by God and yet even more defective because I couldn’t just “have faith”, pray and get over what happened to me. And because I ultimately couldn’t believe I had ever been saved by God, I believe I saved and am the only one who can save myself. But I would up compensating by dedicating my life to doing all of the hardest good there is to do in the world ( or at least what people perceive as such but all is not what it seems) and making my life impossibly hard and complicated because of some need to make up for my true evil and on and on…
This is powerful stuff. I am so grateful you wrote this and that I came across it right now. Your work amazes me.
Thank you Megan. I can relate so much to your story here. I had similar experiences with some people from the church. And it is so easy to assume something is wrong with us when we can’t “just let it go” like people tell us to. I really appreciate your thoughtful perspective as well (here and on social media). I am glad we connected on our healing journeys.
I can not look directly into my own eyes in the mirror because of the effects of the great efforts of those around me growing up to convince me of my inherent evil. Then add some misguided therapists who tried to force mirror work…
I’m glad to have stumbled on your work. I almost passed it up as the Beating in Beating Trauma feels a bit like a trigger but I appreciate what I’ve read so far, so thanks for sharing it.
Thank you Mae. I debated the name for that reason, but I kept coming back to it on an intuitive level, so I took a chance on it. I’m glad you came back to it and find it helpful. Love to you.
Elisabeth, I would like to know what happens to people that was severely traumatized from childhood up until now. This is all the abuser/oppressors fault. He is doing the same as human trafficking by implanting drugs, threatening and all the rest. A horrific nightmare! So, what if these drug implanted people, with force, are threatened on a daily basis to do really bad things to other people, like killings, etc. And you have no control because of the under sedation implants. Are they free, meaning in front of God of what other evil forced and threatened them to do?
People who are coerced or forced to do evil things either as children or adults are not at fault. If that happened to you, that is awful and it is not your fault.