When This Work Matters Most
The futility has been sneaking in over this past week. It has been building just outside of my conscious awareness. This is what futility does. It doesn’t want to be noticed. It reminds me of...
The Fragments of a Dysfunctional Family
I decided to go no-contact with my family many years ago. It wasn’t a flippant decision. It wasn’t to punish my parents. It wasn’t any of those stereotypes about no-contact decisions. Those...
There Is a Story in My Family
There is a story in my family that my grandfather was a member of the KKK. This story is told differently from what you might be thinking. There is an eye roll and a condescending tone when it...
I Know and I Don’t
To my black friends as we rise up against structural racism, I have been struggling this past week. Let’s face it. I have been struggling this whole year. It has been an extremely triggering...
Healing with the Grounded Adult Self
I often talk about the grounded adult self and the importance of connecting with it for healing. But many survivors don’t believe they have a grounded adult self. It is understandable why they...
A Letter from the Defenders
To the Adult Self, We are coming to you as a committee of defenders with a plea to turn this ship around while there is any hope of a reasonable life. You are a naïve adult self. Maybe you have...
I Am Not Your Convenience
Dear Mother, You turned me into a lot of things when I was a child. You projected all your horrible trauma on to me and made me your enemy. In reality, I was simply a child who wanted to be...
Bye Mother
Dear Mother, Another American Mother’s Day is approaching and I am still unraveling the web of contracts you spent my entire life trying to weave. I can’t even imagine how much energy and time...
Escaping the Trap of the Toxic Mother
As you already know, this is a weird time. In some ways, this pandemic has paralyzed me. It has been difficult to get my normal tasks done. And it has been borderline impossible to get new...
You Are Allowed
In case you hadn’t noticed, everyone has an opinion about what we should be doing during this quarantine. When we learn to please others at a young age, this barrage of opinions can be...
