Dear Mother,
Another American Mother’s Day is approaching and I am still unraveling the web of contracts you spent my entire life trying to weave. I can’t even imagine how much energy and time you spent attempting to limit my life. Seriously, people have used that same energy and time to create amazing things in the world. People have worked that hard to break records, win Olympic gold medals or become nominated for Nobel peace prizes. But you can say you have used your skills to manipulate others on a grand scale. Congratulations on your momentous feat! You have wasted your life trying to keep others small. You have wasted your life swimming in your own fear and attempting to make everyone else do it too. What a HUGE waste of a life!
But I have some very important information for you here. You aren’t going to succeed in my case. It might be taking me years of hard work to undo the unconscious traps you set up in my system. But I am going to do it. I am going to release all these contracts and live the life I was supposed to live. It will be a bigger life than yours. It won’t be mired in darkness anymore. There will be beauty and love and compassion. I will have all the things you tried to steal from me with your brainwashing and programming. I won’t let my inner parts stay in this way of thinking. You don’t get to tell me how to live anymore. You don’t get to be in charge of my life now. My life belongs to me.
With each step I take into my unconscious, I discover another layer of your evil. I started this journey believing you were somewhat innocent. I had myself convinced you didn’t know what was happening to me. I wanted to believe that was true. As time went on, I realized I had to give up that story. I knew you knew. There were memories of you facilitating my abuse. And then, I discovered how you had trafficked me. But I still made excuses for you. I convinced myself you were a victim who was scared of these men and needing money to survive. I still somehow made you a victim. You weren’t in my life anymore, but I still wanted to give you space to be that victim. But this past month, I have been uncovering another layer of your hateful practices. And I am realizing you spent my childhood trying to set me up for an awful life, a life just like yours. While I may have already remembered some of these things, I now see it was all a plan from the start. So now I am calling you out and writing you off on a deeper level. While I didn’t think it was possible, the ties are severed even more. What have I discovered?
You tried to tell me that I would never be able to have a home of my own. Every time I did a household chore, you were there to tell me I did it wrong. You insulted my efforts and told me I would never succeed at anything in adulthood. You gave me impossible tasks so you could tell me I was a failure at anything I did. If I did them right, you would find a way to sabotage it. You teased me for being bad at things you never taught me to do. You said I could not cook or clean or take care of kids. Of course not. I was 10. And nobody taught me any of these things. But now it was stuck in my unconscious. Now I was filled with hopelessness that I would never be able to have my own household.
You sabotaged my friendships and intimate relationships so that I would know I had no other choice but to stay with you. You involved yourself in all my relationships and drove a wedge between me and every person I thought I could become close to. You ended relationships by suggesting I was a whore. My own mother called me a whore. I guess that made sense since you were selling me. But seriously. Do you realize how horrible that makes you look? They probably left my life more because they didn’t want to get involved in my ridiculous family. In some cases, you convinced some of my “friends” to spy on me and give you information. There were even some situations where you paid people to do this for you. That is seriously sick. And you created a hopelessness in me saying there was no point in relating to others anymore. Honestly, I started to believe it was safer for others if I stayed away from them.
And you were desperate to convince me I would never have or raise kids. You used to tease me about my body and the problems I had with it (all due to my horrific sexual abuse of course). You told me it would never work right. You let me know I would never be a real woman. And you signed me up for impossible child care jobs at young ages so you could show me how bad I was at it. Not surprisingly, I needed some fertility assistance to get pregnant which felt like a stab in the heart. When my twins were born small, you let me know that was all my fault too. I was desperate for them to grow and you knew it. How did you help? You started watering down their formula when I was sleeping (until I caught you). You are a disgusting human being who endangered the health of your grandchildren to further “prove your point” and control your daughter. I was left with the futility of not having the capacity to bring children into this world. And I have had to fight through it every day to be a good mother.
So I’ll see you never. I am done living a life where I am constantly trying to get past your contracts. I am removing myself from your control and your limits. I am going to live the life I want to live. I am going to have beautiful relationships. I am going to raise my kids and their most basic needs. They will feel safe. I am going to have a beautiful household with plenty of imperfections but nobody yelling at me about them. And you are going to sit and stew in your darkness. And that’s okay with me. See you never.
Beth
This makes me cry for you Elisabeth. What they put you through. It’s awful. It’s disgusting that they took your innocent soul. Look at you! Look how you’ve turned that all around and how you are helping others. Thank you for being so candid and so open with your feelings. I have so much admiration for the courage you have to tell the truth and make a stand. Thank you
Thank you so much Lisa!
I’d agree with everything you say here Lisa from start to finish. And Elisabeth I know you are an amazing mum too 💕
Happy Mother’s Day to a loving, healthy Mother.Who from where I stand does a terrific job raising her children.💕 Celebrate being that special Mom you are!
Thank you my friend!
Happy Mother’s Day to *you*, Elisabeth! This sounds like a great gift to yourself!
Thank you Drew!
I can relate a little too hard with this.
It took a long time for me to realize it wasn’t me but her.
And even longer to understand it was all too keep me with her and share in that misery. If only they had put all their time and energy into healing and creating a happy life for themselves and us to share, instead of keeping us both trapped in that dark and hopeless one. I still have to bust through that conditioning, everyday. She affected every single thing in my life , Including never putting myself on my care list, only everybody else. By the time I started to figure things out, I was so far away from the life I wanted and my true self. I’m still striving for that life. I haven’t given up but it feels impossible most days.
Thank you for sharing this and m sorry for what you’ve been through. 💕
Such an evil person … I cannot conceive how a mother could be so cruel to her own daughter… instead of protecting you and building you up she does the opposite 😱
What must it be like to be her to be so bad continually… her heart and mind full of evil and rotten to the core. One day she will have to answer to God for every thought- word -and -deed. She will answer for the sins committed against you Elizabeth 🙏🏻💐💕
Thank you Lesley!
I just discovered you tonight, Beth. On the eve of another American Mother’s Day. It’s two years since these comments, but just wanted to echo Lisa again. I’m so sorry they hurt you so badly. And I’m so inspired by how you took back your life, took back control. I can’t believe she watered down your babies’ formula on top of everything…
I hope your journey has been taking you to better and better places, and that it continues to do so. Happy Mother’s Day
Thank you Elisabeth for your brave honesty and walking WITH us on our healing journey. You show us that there really is a silver lining. As a side note, your letter relates to my current writing. Wow!! Another universe moment!!
Thank you Patti! I think there are many of us working through these contracts right now. I look forward to seeing where your current writing takes you.
How pissed she must be to know you are a true inspiration to SO many! You are making this world a better place every single day you are in it, changing lives for the better. You are a hero – it’s too bad your mother missed out on her amazing daughter.
Thank you Josie!
Wow! What a powerful piece!
I am SO glad you’ve seen through your mother’s subterfuge. Your insights and truth-telling have helped so many others. I thank you from the bottom of my abused heart.
I’ve felt a lot of stirring lately with the upcoming holiday. Off to write and write and write. Taking your advice, of course. 😉
Thanks for being so real and transparent.
Thank you so much Barbara! This holiday is stirring. There is no doubt. Keep writing.
Hi Elisabeth, you move me! I think your mother and mine went to the same school. You don’t know how bad I wish I could say otherwise…but when I read all you have written I swear you are writing about my own mother.
I found the hardest part was that I bought into her victimhood. My mother was a master! It was – OH! Whoa is me! My life is a tragedy and everyone should cry crocodile tears for me as I neglect, manipulate, gaslight, violate, abuse, ignore, and dismiss my child. She also actively encouraged others to treat me in the same fashion.
She spent her whole life attempting to ‘break me’, destroy my will, because there was a part of me that knew that love was what connected humans, love was what should have been there, love was where I came from – and I knew that what she provided was not love. She did not like what she saw reflected back to her. She despised me and all I stood for in her eyes.
I represented all her lost opportunities, lost dreams, lost love, and the potential possibility of being a whole woman. This was not reality, of course, but what she projected onto me. Her pain was greater than all else and it darkened her heart. There was nothing but a black hole where her heart should have been.
Because of this, she spent insurmountable time and energy making sure that, I too, would not have the ability to explore opportunities, follow my dreams (0r have them at all), know what love is, or what it was like to be whole.
Now I must recognize what it is that I carry forward from all of that? What do I pass on? What do I wish to change? How can I stop the cycle? What do I wish to release from my current self-analysis? What kind of person do I choose to be? Can I rise above the pain that darkened my life?
I say ‘YES’ emphatically for two BIG reasons:
One – I refuse to give that woman one ounce of satisfaction in her attempts to destroy my life. #^$%#-you! She tried but did not break my will.
Two- I know I deserve better! I know the world deserves to have a ‘better’ me in it! And I plan on giving the world someone who contributes to its betterment not attribute to atrocities!
In the end, this is what individual human beings do, we raise people up or we tear them down. Which do we choose to be? I know who I want to be.
Beautifully said!!!
Thank you. Have a blessing mother day of your own.
Dear Elisabeth, thank you so much for having the immense courage to speak your truth so that each one of us who reads your experience can in some way be a witness to all of the suffering you endured and have overcome. I offer compassion and kindness for all you suffered at the will of a tyrannical despotic mother. The pain you describe is on some level unspeakable, but it must be brought into the light of day so that what was visited upon can be acknowledged and known not only by you but by other caring and compassionate humans whose hearts go out to you and who celebrate you and your ongoing growth and progress. You so deserve every gain and win you achieve on your journey to claim your rightful heritage that was thwarted on every turn by the one person who was meant to accompany, guide and help you along the way. Not to consciously put hindrance and obstacle after obstacle in your way to rob you time and time again of all hope. You are triumpant and your story continues to inspire as you share with us here. Offering gratitude to you for providing hope to those of us whose life stories resonate to any degree with yours. I know mine does. I rejoice with you in your ongoing freedom as with everyone of of us on that same path.
This is beautiful Torah-Laura! Thank you so much for these incredibly supportive words.
Truly my honour to offer support, Elisabeth…
This is amazing E! I pray someday to do this with my father. I am so grateful for you and what you are doing for this world. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much TJ! I know you will end those contracts when you are ready.
So powerful! Thank you for sharing this. I feel like protecting my vile, child abusing, human trafficking mother’s “victimhood” has been a huge blind spot for me. Through your writing and my own work I understand that viewing my mother as a victim was part of the programming and brainwashing that I underwent. Reading your letter to your mother was like ripping off a bandaid. Thank you, Elisabeth!
I am so glad it helped you Nora! This is such a huge blind spot for so many of us.
First off, Happy Mothers day to a wonderful beautiful mother, who is also teaching others how to navigate after traumatic lives. How brave you are to not only heal yourself, but to put your story and learning to such a high calling. I appreciate learning with you and I am grateful for your teaching.
In another life, I wish we could have been given love, security and comfort from those who should have, but the amazing strength and bravery we have will be unmatched.
Thank you Lorraine for your beautiful words! We are so brave and strong!
This is so tremendously powerful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing it again on Facebook. I feel like writing one too.
Thank you Min. I hope you do.
What a sad story! You are beautiful inside and outside. Your kids will be proud of You. I am happy to meet you. You are light on my way. Take care!
Thank you so much Joanna!
Elisabeth,
Thank you for your heartfelt honesty and the struggle to overcome your mothers programming, to fearlessly be your true self.
Happy Mothers day to you!
My encouragement, is to celebrate a new tradition, “Mothers day with your children, however you choose.”
I’m not saying forgive or to forget, just remember the positive outcome in all that you have already achieved, in spite of the programming.
You and your children are the good / blessing that has come out of your mother’s evil.
For me that is about redemption. While the reality of your story is so hard to read, it is also being used, right here, on this page, to give hope to others…
In so much of your story about your mother, what jumps out to me is her attempt to project her neediness, failures and inadequacies onto you… Pure evil.
Your story, about your mother reminds me of a wall. A potential obstacle to your growth and progress, to keep you hemmed in under her control.
=======================
I’m astonished, how parents actively use / misuse and poison the well of their own children, their relationships and their futures, whatever the motive…
On this weekend, especially, I have 2 walls, that I too am dealing with:
1. My mother – like you she tried to poison me with her negative programming and not listening to me. An emotional incest / surrogate spouse relationship is what she tried for. Projecting a negative reality that took 25 years of therapy / recovery to reverse. Even today, it can still be a struggle as she is covert /passive aggressive and uses emotional blackmail / self pity to manipulate. The buttons have been removed.
2. My Ex wife – Negative programming of our son, which literally appeared 3 days ago as, “Parental Alienation Syndrome.” Working with a counselor weekly on this.
2A. Our son, Adam, literally is choosing to go to, “Marine Corps Boot Camp, to escape his mother’s manipulation.”
I am sorry to hear you experienced similar things. It is never okay for parents to do this to their children.
What you have endured is horrific! Look at how strong and amazing you are and what beautiful message you have for the world and the lives you see changing now!! You are a hero!
Thank you so much Amanda!!
You are a true JEWEL!!! your Courage, Strength and Wisdom is PRICELESS!!! Thank You for Always being such an inspiration. Stay UP Elizabeth!!! You’re doing an Incredible JOB!!!
Thank you so much KAM!
When I read your blogs and see your strength and brilliance, I realize the gift of who you are. You would not be this person had you not suffered the torture. When you have totally recovered, and the torture is all behind you, I wonder if you (and all of us) with see what it all provided to each of us on our path. For myself, (maybe I’m just hoping) but getting a vision of where this will take me and what it will push me to develop sometimes helps.
Thank you so much Carol!
Beautiful. It gave me chills. You are a true survivor of evil.
Thank you!
Thank you for your candid honesty. Society enshrines motherhood to saintly levels. My mom was either on fight or flight mode her entire adult life. She abandoned our family when we were teens & refuses to assume any responsibility by getting therapy & steadfastly plays the blame game instead. This Mother’s Day I am celebrating myself in being the best I can be. I may not be perfect, but I endeavor to grow & evolve every day.
I appreciate your courage & how you transform your personal tragedy into help for others..truly beautiful!
I’m so sorry for what she put you through. You deserved much better than that. You have done so much and are very inspiring.
Thank you Hannah.