Dear Inner Teenager,
You haven’t had an easy life. You have interacted with a lot of power-hungry people. And I’m not just talking about the pedophiles and their enablers. There were adults who wanted you to be less than you were. There were other teenagers who wanted to make you feel less smart, less attractive, less talented. They needed you to be small because they wanted to build themselves up in comparison. They let you know you were not acceptable. You had too much to say for a girl. You acted too smart for a kid. You should shut up and listen to your elders.
But in reality, the courage you were showing to remain confident and expressive after all that abuse was phenomenal. And I’m proud of you. I am proud that you didn’t shut down. I am proud that you continued to stand up for yourself. I am proud of your resiliency. You didn’t let them break you.
I am proud that you will allow me to take risks, speak up, and help others without sabotaging my every move. I know you would much rather find a cabin in the woods somewhere off-grid. I know you don’t like the public part of this work. But I know you see the gift you were born with, the gift of expression. It is why you never stopped standing up for yourself all those years ago. So, you begrudgingly allow me to take risks when you would prefer safety. And one day, I know we will do it together. And for that, I am proud of you.
And now, even as we work through your hesitancy of embracing a full expression of self, I am proud of you for what you did. I am proud of the defense mechanisms you so cleverly employed to stay safe. You knew that the anger, sadness and fear were unacceptable in our family environment, so you put it away. You knew that the inner child could not handle the pain of the past, so you kept the memories under lock and key. You kept your trust to a minimum because those around you were dangerous. And that was the truth.
I am proud of you for protecting the children. I can tell you care for them, even if they drive you crazy most days. You get irritated with them. You don’t understand their world as “real” children. But you love them and you allow me to teach them to love and trust even if you aren’t sure it will ever be possible for you. You allow people in our lives even though you would much prefer to stay isolated. You know isolation would not be good for the children.
And I am more proud of you, that after all the mistreatment, you chose to hear me out. You may roll your eyes. You may dismiss 90% of what I am saying. But every once in a while, you hear what I have to say and you consider that things might be possible now, even though they weren’t possible then. You haven’t shut me out forever. You could have. But you didn’t.
I have a hunch that you won’t believe me when I say I am proud. You might think there is an ulterior motive. You might assume I want something from you. Why wouldn’t you think that? That was always the case when you were growing up. Nobody ever said anything nice unless they wanted something. The honest comments always seemed to be the mean comments.
You might think I want to control you. You might think I want to gain access to all your information. Ok … well … that might be a little true. But I am learning to trust that you will tell me what I need to know when I need to know it. And I want to work with you, not against you, not instead of you. We can tackle life’s challenges with your experiences and my experiences together. Honestly, that is the only way to do it well.
So I will keep working with you even when you are done with me. I will keep showing you that I can be trusted. I will show you that my crazy ideas will lead us toward a life that will make you proud too. I will push you. You will not always be comfortable. But I will do my best to keep you out of harm’s way. And one day, there will be trust. And our trust will manifest our aspirations. And it is all because you didn’t give up on me. And for that, I am proud.
Love,
Me … And You
I have been encouraged to communicate with my inner children recently. I can now see from your piece here just how helpful this is. Thank you for sharing it. Good to know I’m on the right track.
It is life-changing. I am glad you are being encouraged to do it. 🙂
WOW
Thank you so much for this. I feel that my inner teen needed to hear these words too (and more). Thank you for taking the time to dig deep to have these conversations and sharing them with us.
Thank you for reading this. It takes courage to read what I write and allow it in.
I love the respectful relationship you have with your teen self. I have worked hard at having a relationship with my teen self. I was scared of her for many years, but we have accepted each other and are an allied partnership now. This fills my heart with love and gratitude. I feel so much stronger now with all my younger and adult pieces of self working as a unified group with each part having a unique set of strengths.
Anyone who is thinking of doing inner child work or struggling to do so, I hope you hang in there because it is powerfully empowering to connect to oneself.
Donna
Yes!! Thank you Donna.
These words are so inspiring! Thank you for sharing! This is literally something I feel. I can completely relate!
Thank you. I am so glad it resonated with you.
Thank you so much for sharing this, just when I needed to hear it. My inner teenager has recently come into my awareness, yet she gives away very little and only communicates through rolling eyes or crossing her arms. This is inspiring I am not going to give up, I feel a little lost as how to continue but reading your post encourages me.
Keep communicating with her. Write her a letter and let her know you are listening. She will talk to you when she is ready, but you can keep reassuring her that you are here and listening.
Wow, well written and powerfully insightful. Thank you, R
Thank you.
There were some parts of this that I must’ve needed to hear. I got to a point where I just bawled for a few minutes. I didn’t realize how much my own teenage self needed to know how proud that I am of her for making sure that we survived. Although, now she is constantly wanting us to isolate ourselves I now understand that she’s just trying to protect us. And not only that, but if it weren’t for my teenage self we would’ve still been suffering because she’s the part of me that spoke up to make the worst of it stop and for that I am beyond greatful! Thank you so much for this!
Thank you Shandi! I am so glad you can show her that appreciation. It will help so much!