As a survivor of family-controlled child sex abuse and trafficking, I spent the first half of my life running an exhausting marathon obstacle course. I was pushing my way through life like I was at war every day, always waiting for the next shoe to drop, always expecting the next horrible thing to happen to me. I was living a life full of abusive relationships, emotional swings and fear-based decisions. I was sure that inner peace was just not possible for me.
But eight years ago, my twins were born. Almost instantly, I realized that my recovery could no longer be avoided. For the safety of my twins, and my own peace, I knew I had to muster the courage to face the shadows. I had to bring the darkness to the light. I had to commit to transform even though it terrified me.
The past eight years have been hard, but I have to admit, they would have been impossible without my recovery. I know that. Through my recovery, I have relieved myself of the constant inner turmoil that ruled my outer life. I have gained the ability to experience a peaceful presence that I never thought possible. Most importantly, I have stopped the manifestations of trauma that haunted my family for generations. I know that cycle is stopped and that adds to my peace.
I have transformed myself. Now let me help you bring your darkness in to the light.
Let me show you how to leave the past behind and find the peace you are so desperately searching for.
Let me help you find your own gift that lives below the years of pain.
It is possible. It is not easy. It takes strength and courage. It takes commitment to awareness. But it is possible.
Let’s start now.
3 Steps to Overcoming the Awareness Challenge
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Ways that I can support you in our work together...
When we can calm our own inner waters, we can reflect the storms of the world differently. Our inner world reflects our outer world. Our outer world guides us to our next inner journey. When our waters become still, our path appears before us. Clarity comes, but only once we can find the peace to see it.
As parents and survivors of trauma, we want to stop the cycle of abuse. But there is deeper work to be done. Uncovering our inner beliefs and shining a light on our shadow world can bring a new legacy of light to our family. Our children can learn from our example and adopt a new way of living.
I am dedicated to spreading awareness of the horrors of child abuse and trafficking. I do this by shining a light on today’s abuses and the effects on victims. Being trauma-informed requires that organizations and media partner with survivors. I can work with you to end violence through awareness.
“I will not make the same mistakes my parents made.” It may be one of the most common sentiments in the world of parenting. But when we express this desire, it is often met with rolled eyes or some other doubtful response. Why is that? Deep down inside, I think we all sense it is much more complicated than we are willing to acknowledge. Changing our parenting approach from the way we were raised is extremely difficult. The only easy solution is to swing the parenting pendulum to the opposite extreme, which does very little to improve the situation. It is as though we are hard-wired to behave in the same manner. In reality, that may be the truth. Our brain has been wired to perceive reality in a certain way. With that said, the sentiment should not be met with so much skepticism. It is changes in parenting that are largely responsible for any human evolution that has occurred thus far. If we were parenting the same as the first humans, things would be very different. But to make changes in generational parenting requires conscious choices and a honed awareness of the patterns we want to stop. That is not easy. There has to be significant motivation to make that happen. In the case of parents who grew up with complex trauma, we have all the motivation we could possibly need. The complex trauma survivors I know have vowed they will never abuse their children again. And this is great to hear. There are a large number of parents who have agreed to stop the cycle of abuse.... read more
This week, I had an image shared more than 15,000 times on Facebook. It brought 2,600 new members to the Beating Trauma community and I am extremely grateful. While the picture was beautiful, I think the quote stirred many people. It wasn’t my quote. The quote came from Iain Thomas, who is a popular author and blogger. ““Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.” This quote resonates with me because I am tired of apologizing. I am who I am. I feel what I feel. And honestly, I think many can relate. But there were others who were not quite sure about its veracity. On larger pages, I noticed some comments that illustrated the common misperceptions about feelings. Several people suggested that feelings were to be controlled. One extreme comment referred to unapologetic feelings as leading to terrorism. In this case, there was a clear misunderstanding between controlling feelings and controlling actions. There were others who ventured in to the debate over whether or not thoughts can control feelings. There is much debate about this concept. I have been pondering this for years as I have worked through my own trauma recovery. And I have learned so much. So today, I am going to be bold and tell you the answer. The feelings come first. The thoughts come second. There is a reason why this is hard to figure out. We have been taught to tune emotions out. We don’t pay attention to our body.... read more
As I continue to pursue my dreams, I am often faced with my unconscious beliefs about why it is a horrible idea. Lately, I have spent most of my time, energy and awareness on how those beliefs are holding me back from my plans to live a very different life than my childhood. And I don’t know why I am still surprised to see yet another belief to explore. Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting these beliefs alone are stopping progress. But my beliefs fuel my actions and my defenses, so they are having an impact. I often get the sense that I prefer failure. I am not referring to the small failures that teach us how to overcome obstacles and meet our long-term goals. I am talking about failure on a much bigger level. I am discussing the kind of failure that keeps life in a rut. I am talking about the kind of failure that comes from quitting after 95% of the job is done. This failure comes from self sabotage. But there are reasons for this. And when I look at my past, they make so much sense. I wonder how it would be possible to get out of a traumatic childhood without these beliefs. (Although I never say never.) They are ingrained in the experiences of trauma. In many ways, they are inseparable. So where do they come from? Let me explain how three of my most detrimental beliefs were formed. 1) Invisibility is safest. I learned this very early in life. If I could stay invisible, I could potentially stay safe. Sometimes... read more
Hovering can be a hard habit to break for parents with complex trauma. Janet Lansbury posted this exclusive article about how I have made progress in my hovering. Confessions of a Recovering Helicopter... read more
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Gratitude doesn’t come easy for survivors of trauma. We have to pursue it consciously, find evidence of the beauty around us, and change those parts of us that disagree. I recently wrote an exclusive article for SimpleReminders.com about this exact topic. My Relentless Pursuit of... read more