7 Habits Of Parents With Complex Trauma
A 7 Week Program With Elisabeth Corey
Are you struggling to parent the way you hoped?
Even though you would never abuse your children, do you still make some of the mistakes your parents made?
Do you lose control sometimes and have no idea why?
I know these were true for me. Through my conversations with other survivors, I have learned that many of my beliefs, and the habits they created, are universal. I created this tool to bring your awareness to the same beliefs and habits that were impacting my response to my children. Maybe you internalized all of these beliefs. Maybe you experience a variation on them. Maybe you feel your belief is exactly the opposite.
This workshop can help you move the unconscious in to the light.
How this works:
A 7 Week Self-Guided Workshop delivered to your inbox.
- Each week, one habit will be highlighted and described in detail through my writing and a video introduction.
- My personally-narrated audio blogs will highlight how it was impacting my life to help you visualize it in your life.
- My questions, which are based on my personal experiences, will guide you in answering how this habit may be impacting your life.
- My tips will help you to make changes through self awareness and conscious actions.
This 7-week workshop is designed to help you understand your own beliefs and habits as a parent. You will receive a weekly email highlighting one habit with a video introduction, several audio blogs, questions to build your awareness, and tips to help you make changes.
The questions will take one to two hours to complete, but could easily be spread across the week when you have time. In some cases, it might be helpful to read the question and answer it after some reflection.
This workshop will be the most effective for you if you are able to write your answers and journal your reactions to the guidance. When we write, we can access the unconscious and the details that reside there. As we write, those details can be brought to a conscious level and understood using adult logic. Before, they may have only been interpreted with a child consciousness.
I hope you’ll join me in finding the path to your own awareness and the blessings it can bring to you as a parent.
Sign Up Today and begin receiving the workshop to your inbox within 24 hours.
You will be directed to Paypal for payment and then your registration will be confirmed.
Learn more about the 7 Habits of Parents with Complex Trauma
When I became a parent, I had no idea what I was getting in to. Every parent experiences a massive shift in their perspective and priorities when their children enter the world. But when parents have experienced trauma in childhood, the resulting challenges can be disorienting and debilitating.
I had no idea why I was responding to my children with such intense emotion and anxiety.
I had no idea my past was invading my present moment.
I had no idea my past was impacting my habits as a parent.
So I began to uncover the belief systems that were driving my responses to my children. And there were many. Until I became aware of them, they had lived below the surface, causing difficulties at every turn, and some very bad habits as a parent. Through awareness, I was able to pinpoint the belief systems, where they came from, and why they existed. Then I could look at them with an adult understanding of my present moment. And in the course of that process, they began to shift.
The 7 Habits
1) We hover. I know what you are thinking. How else do we keep them safe? And I understand the sentiment. But we are sending the wrong message to our children. We are letting them know they can’t handle life without our help. We must prepare our children for life on their own. And we can do that by prepping them with the confidence and high self esteem that wards off predators. Hovering won’t do that.
2) We disconnect. Of course we disconnect from life. Dissociation was the only technique that got us through childhood. But now, we find it difficult to enjoy life and be present with our children. We may even feel like we are living in two different worlds. As we learn techniques to come back to the moment, we can dramatically impact our relationship with our children.
3) We struggle to set boundaries. Children are going to push boundaries even when they are set well. But with trauma, we struggle to set them and stick to them. Children may express emotions which can be triggering for us. Children may get aggressive which can be terrifying for us. But no matter what they say, children need limits to feel safe. And we have to find a way to tolerate their response to our limits.
4) We mistrust others. Let me cut to the chase, we don’t necessarily trust our children either. Why would we? We never learned trust. Our family taught us the opposite. So we may show a little more disbelief than the average parent. We may assume ulterior motives more than other parents. And we may be faced with a bit more lying, especially if we react strongly to it. It is important that we use trusting words with our children so they know we believe them. But that takes practice and awareness.
5) We respond from fear. I often hear from clients about how they lost control. I describe it as the “invasion of the body snatchers” phenomenon. We don’t want to yell. And we certainly don’t want to rage. But when the situation appears dangerous to our inner child, we are no longer in control. And it can take every ounce of strength we have to get it back. By that point, the damage is often done. And while apologies are a great thing, it sure would be nice to respond differently. So we must begin some inner conversations to curb that fear response.
6) We pass down our beliefs. We might not be passing down the traumatic abuse, but our unconscious statements and actions can make quite an impact on our children. And coming out of a dysfunctional family, there can be many. Children of parents with trauma can learn that they are powerless to make change, genders are not equal, maintaining control is safer, and emotional expression is not safe. If you are noticing anxiety in your children, they may be picking up on some of these messages.
7) We compensate for our insecurities. There is nobody who feels comfortable as a parent. I repeat. Nobody knows what they are doing. But survivors of trauma are convinced they are the worst at it. And there are so many reasons. Maybe there is no extended family around. Maybe there is only one parent. Maybe there is guilt because survivors have been taught that everything is their fault. But monetary and material compensation doesn’t send the right message. We need to find other ways to manage the guilt because more than likely, it is misplaced.