As a survivor of family-controlled child sex abuse and trafficking, I spent the first half of my life running an exhausting marathon obstacle course. I was pushing my way through life like I was at war every day, always waiting for the next shoe to drop, always expecting the next horrible thing to happen to me. I was living a life full of abusive relationships, emotional swings and fear-based decisions. I was sure that inner peace was just not possible for me.
But eight years ago, my twins were born. Almost instantly, I realized that my recovery could no longer be avoided. For the safety of my twins, and my own peace, I knew I had to muster the courage to face the shadows. I had to bring the darkness to the light. I had to commit to transform even though it terrified me.
The past eight years have been hard, but I have to admit, they would have been impossible without my recovery. I know that. Through my recovery, I have relieved myself of the constant inner turmoil that ruled my outer life. I have gained the ability to experience a peaceful presence that I never thought possible. Most importantly, I have stopped the manifestations of trauma that haunted my family for generations. I know that cycle is stopped and that adds to my peace.
I have transformed myself. Now let me help you bring your darkness in to the light.
Let me show you how to leave the past behind and find the peace you are so desperately searching for.
Let me help you find your own gift that lives below the years of pain.
It is possible. It is not easy. It takes strength and courage. It takes commitment to awareness. But it is possible.
Let’s start now.
3 Steps to Overcoming the Awareness Challenge
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Ways that I can support you in our work together...
When we can calm our own inner waters, we can reflect the storms of the world differently. Our inner world reflects our outer world. Our outer world guides us to our next inner journey. When our waters become still, our path appears before us. Clarity comes, but only once we can find the peace to see it.
As parents and survivors of trauma, we want to stop the cycle of abuse. But there is deeper work to be done. Uncovering our inner beliefs and shining a light on our shadow world can bring a new legacy of light to our family. Our children can learn from our example and adopt a new way of living.
I am dedicated to spreading awareness of the horrors of child abuse and trafficking. I do this by shining a light on today’s abuses and the effects on victims. Being trauma-informed requires that organizations and media partner with survivors. I can work with you to end violence through awareness.
We live in a results-oriented society. And since we have learned to adapt to our surroundings, we often develop a mask that seems to be results-oriented. Just like society, we tend to become focused on living a life full of nice things and without noticeable pain. We learn when we veer from these goals, we are rejected. We hide the pain of our trauma deep within where nobody can see it. And we strive for the next best external thing that will make everything okay. It is not surprising that the recovery world has followed suit. There are quick fixes everywhere. There are 6-week programs. And if 6 weeks isn’t enough to fix all your problems, there are 12 week programs that will surely do it. There is a pill for every possible symptom you could have. And if you have more than one symptom, that’s easy. Just take more than one pill. It doesn’t matter if they have been tested. As long as they work, that is what matters. And if medication isn’t your thing, that’s okay. You can find foods, supplements and special energy drinks that will fix you right up. Sound familiar. I’m sure it does. I don’t know about you, but I have chased so many quick fixes. I have looked and looked for the panacea to end the pain, the thing that will finally make me feel good or normal. But they don’t work because they can’t. That isn’t how recovery works. Trauma isn’t healed with a quick fix so we can move on with our beautiful life waiting on the other side. Life... read more
As a survivor of childhood trauma, I have spent my life surrounded by “all or nothing” people. And unfortunately, it made me an “all of nothing” person. I have spent years undoing the belief systems that come from a childhood like mine, but sometimes it feels endless (or maybe that’s my “all or nothing thinking again). I have had to unravel beliefs like: “Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.” “Nobody will ever love me.” “Everybody who is nice to me just wants something.” And believe me, I am far from finished with the rewiring process. These beliefs still come up, but I am much more aware of them now. I know where they come from. I have seen the evidence. And I know how to question them now. I know they aren’t as true as I once thought. As I deal with my latest inner part, the rebel runner, I am facing another aspect of the damage done by the people in my life. And this wasn’t the occasional experience by a random person. This was a consistent message from countless people which permeated my entire childhood. And that message was: “If I make one mistake, I will be rejected, ridiculed, bullied and abandoned (in that order).” These mistakes did not follow the traditional definition of mistakes (which would still make these situations problematic). These mistakes were about failing to be the person they wanted me to be, failing to keep my trauma hidden and failing to be the image of perfection I thought I had to be. The message I received was that being myself (in... read more
I am a fighter. I have spent my life fighting. I have heard the phrase “go with the flow” and I used to hate it. It reminded me of a jelly fish, sitting in the water doing nothing but stinging people and eating. It sounded lazy. I never got the point of the flow. Why do we exist if we are just flowing? That said I knew there was a good chance I was wrong. I had a deep sense I was looking at it wrong. And over the past ten years, I have been learning what it means to go with the flow. It doesn’t mean what I thought when I didn’t know how to do it. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t really know how to do it, but I am getting better. There is no better example of going with the flow than how I have built my life coach business (or maybe how the flow built it). I have pushed hard. There is no doubt about it. I have had to push through countless obstacles, but to be fair, most of the obstacles were my own inner parts and their beliefs. And to overcome those, there is a willfulness required. But when it came to taking action, it wasn’t about fighting. It was about going in the direction I was pointed. And the flow was doing the pointing. You may be wondering what I am talking about. Honestly, so many of us have not experienced the flow. Until recent years, I hadn’t. If I didn’t make it happen, it didn’t happen. I saw myself... read more
Dear adult person who always does what she’s told, This is your inner rebel speaking. Let me explain some things. You are playing with fire. You are getting too close with people. You are letting people in. Don’t you understand what that means? They will stomp all over you. When you try to do what you want and express who you are, they will be right there to insult you, ostracize you, treat you like a worthless piece of shit. Don’t you get it? It isn’t safe to let people in. It isn’t safe to commit to people. It isn’t safe to get excited about being with other people. You don’t know them. You don’t know what is in their heads. You don’t know their motivations. What’s going to happen when they figure out who you are? What’s going to happen when you stand up for yourself or speak your mind? Disaster. It is best to go it alone. It is best to avoid commitments to others. It is best to avoid closeness of any kind. Avoid the inevitable disaster. Be safe and walk through life on our own. I know what you want and you don’t need anyone to squelch it. Sincerely, Your Inner Rebel Dear irresponsible person who won’t listen to me, This is your controller speaking. And for once, I agree with the inner rebel (although not for the same reason). It is best to play it safe. It is best to keep people at a distance. Keep life small. Keep life simple. If it isn’t complicated, bad things are less likely to happen. You... read more
I have to admit something I am not proud of. I find myself having an inner temper tantrum this morning. It has to do with current events which I try hard to avoid on my blog, not because I don’t have opinions, but because I don’t want to trigger people more than usual. But this morning I am having a temper tantrum about the attacks on London. You may be thinking that is not something to be ashamed of and you would be right. We are all allowed to be angry as hell. But I am not proud because of the reason for my tantrum. It isn’t because I hate terrorism (even though I do). It isn’t because I hate the targeting of girls by evil men who justify hate with their beliefs (even though I do). It isn’t because I feel for the victims and their families (even though I do). It isn’t even because I have several clients who are dealing with triggers from these attacks (even though I do). It is for purely selfish reasons. I am traveling to London soon. I won’t be there long. It is a a stop-over on the way to another city. But I will be there. It is the first time I am leaving the U.S. in 8 years and the first time I will be in London in 11 years. I have a special place in my heart for the “Land of the Eng”. I lived there for a while in my early years. And I miss it terribly. I have been excited for this trip for some time... read more
6 Popular Phrases Translated for Trauma Survivors In this work, I have met people who have tried many healing modalities. Let’s face it. We are all looking for a way to feel better. We are tired of the physical, emotional and mental exhaustion coming from complex trauma. But there is a problem. Traditional self-help concepts were not written for us. In some cases, I am not sure who they were written for. And while they sound good on the surface, they can make us feel bad about ourselves, causing us to take on masks because the concepts seem out of our reach. For this reason, I tend to stay away from the phrases that are used in main stream self-help. I don’t use them. I don’t want to confuse folks, and I certainly don’t want to trigger them. But I am going to say something a bit shocking right now. These phrases are right. Yes. I said it. The over-used, over-clichéd phrases are actually on to something. But they are being used in very simplified ways that will never bring deep healing to anyone, let alone trauma survivors. So today I am going to continue my tradition of translation by giving you my perspective on how these common self-help phrases are actually true. And before you yell at me, hear me out. There will be time to yell at me later. “Positive thoughts will create positive manifestations. Think positive.” This statement can trigger the hell out of survivors. We immediately think, “If I could think positive, I would think positive, damn it!” What good is it going to do... read more