As a survivor of family-controlled child sex abuse and trafficking, I spent the first half of my life running an exhausting marathon obstacle course. I was pushing my way through life like I was at war every day, always waiting for the next shoe to drop, always expecting the next horrible thing to happen to me. I was living a life full of abusive relationships, emotional swings and fear-based decisions. I was sure that inner peace was just not possible for me.
But eight years ago, my twins were born. Almost instantly, I realized that my recovery could no longer be avoided. For the safety of my twins, and my own peace, I knew I had to muster the courage to face the shadows. I had to bring the darkness to the light. I had to commit to transform even though it terrified me.
The past eight years have been hard, but I have to admit, they would have been impossible without my recovery. I know that. Through my recovery, I have relieved myself of the constant inner turmoil that ruled my outer life. I have gained the ability to experience a peaceful presence that I never thought possible. Most importantly, I have stopped the manifestations of trauma that haunted my family for generations. I know that cycle is stopped and that adds to my peace.
I have transformed myself. Now let me help you bring your darkness in to the light.
Let me show you how to leave the past behind and find the peace you are so desperately searching for.
Let me help you find your own gift that lives below the years of pain.
It is possible. It is not easy. It takes strength and courage. It takes commitment to awareness. But it is possible.
Let’s start now.
3 Steps to Overcoming the Awareness Challenge
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Ways that I can support you in our work together...
When we can calm our own inner waters, we can reflect the storms of the world differently. Our inner world reflects our outer world. Our outer world guides us to our next inner journey. When our waters become still, our path appears before us. Clarity comes, but only once we can find the peace to see it.
As parents and survivors of trauma, we want to stop the cycle of abuse. But there is deeper work to be done. Uncovering our inner beliefs and shining a light on our shadow world can bring a new legacy of light to our family. Our children can learn from our example and adopt a new way of living.
I am dedicated to spreading awareness of the horrors of child abuse and trafficking. I do this by shining a light on today’s abuses and the effects on victims. Being trauma-informed requires that organizations and media partner with survivors. I can work with you to end violence through awareness.
I have to admit something I am not proud of. I find myself having an inner temper tantrum this morning. It has to do with current events which I try hard to avoid on my blog, not because I don’t have opinions, but because I don’t want to trigger people more than usual. But this morning I am having a temper tantrum about the attacks on London. You may be thinking that is not something to be ashamed of and you would be right. We are all allowed to be angry as hell. But I am not proud because of the reason for my tantrum. It isn’t because I hate terrorism (even though I do). It isn’t because I hate the targeting of girls by evil men who justify hate with their beliefs (even though I do). It isn’t because I feel for the victims and their families (even though I do). It isn’t even because I have several clients who are dealing with triggers from these attacks (even though I do). It is for purely selfish reasons. I am traveling to London soon. I won’t be there long. It is a a stop-over on the way to another city. But I will be there. It is the first time I am leaving the U.S. in 8 years and the first time I will be in London in 11 years. I have a special place in my heart for the “Land of the Eng”. I lived there for a while in my early years. And I miss it terribly. I have been excited for this trip for some time... read more
6 Popular Phrases Translated for Trauma Survivors In this work, I have met people who have tried many healing modalities. Let’s face it. We are all looking for a way to feel better. We are tired of the physical, emotional and mental exhaustion coming from complex trauma. But there is a problem. Traditional self-help concepts were not written for us. In some cases, I am not sure who they were written for. And while they sound good on the surface, they can make us feel bad about ourselves, causing us to take on masks because the concepts seem out of our reach. For this reason, I tend to stay away from the phrases that are used in main stream self-help. I don’t use them. I don’t want to confuse folks, and I certainly don’t want to trigger them. But I am going to say something a bit shocking right now. These phrases are right. Yes. I said it. The over-used, over-clichéd phrases are actually on to something. But they are being used in very simplified ways that will never bring deep healing to anyone, let alone trauma survivors. So today I am going to continue my tradition of translation by giving you my perspective on how these common self-help phrases are actually true. And before you yell at me, hear me out. There will be time to yell at me later. “Positive thoughts will create positive manifestations. Think positive.” This statement can trigger the hell out of survivors. We immediately think, “If I could think positive, I would think positive, damn it!” What good is it going to do... read more
I’ve had a rough couple of days. And honestly, this post is written for me mainly. But I hope you like it too. I hold many defenses, beliefs and manifestations from my trauma, but the most prominent has always been my anxiety. When I started this journey, my anxiety was the first thing my therapist noticed giving me the diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder. My anxiety normally looks the same in my body. My hearts starts racing, it gets difficult to breathe and my manic mind chatter paralyzes me. It is very difficult to ground my way out of this feeling, but I am getting better at it. Even though my anxiety might look the same each time, it comes from many sources. There are so many triggers for my anxiety, avoidance would never be an option. And I guess I know that, which is why I haven’t tried that approach, sort of. Maybe I never thought I tried that approach. But I think this week, I have to face the fact that I have tried that approach a bit. One of my biggest triggers for my anxiety is chaos and uncertainty. I have done a pretty good job of living a boring life. I know it doesn’t seem that way on the outside. I am doing a lot of risky things for my business. Some are working. Some are not. But that is life with a business. My kids go to a great school where they do far more than sit in a classroom and that takes me out in to the world some too. I travel to... read more
The past few years have been very different from the life I used to live. This may come as no surprise based on the amount of inner work I have done. It has a tendency to change the external in subtle (yet substantial) ways until one day we wake up from an afternoon nap and realize everything is different. And my life has been no exception to that rule. Unlike the people on dating sites who say they don’t want drama and really do, I am really not interested in drama anymore. It used to help distract me from my pain and fill the emptiness. I needed excitement to get through my days and weeks of pain. So there was always something to keep my mind spinning and my pulse quickened. Nowadays, there is almost nothing like that. My business has moments because working with clients in recovery is never without excitement as emotions and memories come and go. But that’s a different type of “drama”. It’s real and it’s meaningful and it’s actually accomplishing something (even though it doesn’t always feel like it). My children definitely provide drama in the form of temper tantrums and behavior “stuff”, but I know they are really good kids in the scheme of things. And when the adults in my life call me up with drama, it just doesn’t affect me like it used to. I can be supportive, but it doesn’t take over like it did. I never thought I would say this, but I don’t get worked up easily. And if you knew me in my twenties, that is something... read more
I have been discovering and learning about my inner landscape for a while now. And I have learned some key aspects to this process of recovery that must be understood. If they are not understood, we will not be able to accept this work. As a matter of a fact, we will be miserable. What are those facts? Your understanding of your narrative is going to shift constantly. Your understanding of self is going to shift constantly. There is no definitive truth. Nothing is as it seems. As you change, people will think you are crazy. The changes will drive you crazy. When I started my blog, I understood this on an intuitive level. I may have even understood it on a conscious level but hoped I was wrong. I knew the information I would be providing might shift and change over time. And it definitely has. My own personal journey has constantly informed my writings and my work with clients. With all that said, my revelation this morning should come as no surprise. But of course, it does. For the past few months, I have been discovering new parts. This isn’t surprising. I discover new parts, new beliefs, new memories, and new buried emotions all the time. I am an excavator. It is what I do. I embrace curiosity so much that if I was a cat, I would be dead. But when I woke up this morning, I had a word in my head and it was screaming at me. Freedom Fighters It wasn’t the new label for a new part. A while back, I met a part... read more
One of the most difficult (and necessary) parts of the recovery journey is to find our way back to the body. This is an incredibly scary process. We left the body a long time ago because it wasn’t a safe place to live. Maybe we left because we were experiencing physical and sexual abuse we could not escape. Maybe we left because we were experiencing painful emotions and we could not cope any longer with our reality. So we made a choice. We chose to leave the reality in the body and create a new story in our head. And that is where we took up residence. And honestly, we were expecting to be there forever. But we get some bad news in recovery. We have to go back from whence we came. Recovery doesn’t just happen in the head, no matter how much we whine about it (or maybe it’s just me whining). There’s a problem though. We don’t know anything about the body. We may even hate the body. Our trauma has probably created extensive issues with the body. We might experience chronic illness and pain. We may not know how to take care of it. Maybe we are so dissociated, we don’t remember to eat or go to the bathroom. I used to be able to go all day without eating and then wonder why I was “hangry”. I would get to a very uncomfortable level of bladder holding before I had to run for it. I just wasn’t paying attention. And recovery is about paying attention. It is about awareness. Getting in to the body... read more