Is your feminism different from the patriarchy?

Is your feminism different from the patriarchy?

I grew up in a sexist family.  They subscribed to an extreme sexism that justified rape and torture of little girls and women.  It was the worst kind of sexism.  My father was very clear that all things feminine were not just bad, but evil.  Of course, his idea of the feminine was fed by society, so even his choice of what to hate was distorted. He let me know that my body was evil.  My body caused him to rape me.  My body caused him to have desires that he could not control.  My body was a source of shame and guilt because I was a girl.  Keep in mind that I was younger than 10 years old at the time. He assured me that my feminine strengths were useless in the real world.  My intuitive, creative and nurturing instincts were forced down deep inside of me.  I was ashamed of them.  I was told that I must figure out how to succeed at the traditionally male-dominated school subjects and careers.  At the risk of sounding condescending, that wasn’t that hard.  My left brain works just as well as my right brain.  I mastered math, science and all the other logic-based fields in our society.  It wasn’t an issue for me. But I had no balance.  I had been told that my feminine characteristics were evil and dangerous.  I had learned to hate them.  So I refused to use them.  I faced life with logic only.  I was shut off from my heart.  As anyone can guess, this served me well in my career, but the rest of...
All Kids Act That Way?

All Kids Act That Way?

I have yet to meet an honest mother who isn’t completely insecure about motherhood.  It is the hardest job on this planet.  Motherhood targets our triggers.  To put it a different way, it brings up everything that scares us to death.  For some of us, we are scared more easily than others.  Anxiety can be inhibiting when it comes to making sound parenting decisions.  But I think the most grounded mothers are insecure at some points. From the beginning, I have been convinced I am damaging my children in every way.  I am too overprotective.  I am not watching them closely enough.  My discipline is too inconsistent.  I am not spending enough time with them.  I am not pushing them hard enough.  They are not involved in enough extra-curricular activities.  I am not feeding them right.  I am missing out on their one true calling by not embracing who they are.  I am too tired to dress up like a Disney character and run around the house with them, so they will never develop a healthy sense of self. Of course, there are the deeper concerns.  How is being raised by a single mother truly affecting them?  I have read the studies stating single mothers are the root of all evil, and those studies are stupid.  They are missing one very important point.  Single motherhood is not the problem.  It’s poverty.  And single mothers are set up to be poor in our society.  Minimum wage jobs and child care costs don’t mix.  Education and single motherhood don’t mix well either.  I know.  I just did it.  I’m pretty willful...